Romantic relationships differ across ages, and the timing of a first relationship varies widely among young people.
Being in a relationship is a skill that people practise. The young person gradually learns what intimacy, trust, responsibility and reciprocity mean in relationships. Even a brief experience with romantic relationships teaches interpersonal and emotional skills and supports the young person’s own sexual development.
Talk with your teenager about relationships and sexuality before romantic relationships enter their life. Help them recognise the characteristics of a good relationship, such as reciprocity, respect and the importance of trust.
Be sensitive when guiding your teenager. They should be allowed to draw their own conclusions about things. It is important to keep communication open with your teenager so that they can confide in you when needed.
Social media and relationships
A teenager in a relationship may prefer not to see their partner face to face very often. They may still stay in contact with their sweetheart daily, sending messages and pictures via social media and messaging apps.
The world of social media can become particularly important for young people who are unsure of their sexual orientation or gender, or for young people with disabilities. Talking online often gives people the courage to share their experiences in real life as well.
The downside of online communication is that non-verbal cues are left out and things can be misunderstood. If a teenager seems anxious about their online communication, offer to ponder together on how to resolve the issue. Let them choose whether they want to describe the situation in more detail.
However, make sure there is nothing going on that could harm your child. Young people can encounter sexual harassment or abuse online. Discuss how to stay safe online and what may put them at risk. These are topics that can never be discussed too much.
Should there be limits on dating?
A relationship can sometimes demand a lot of teenager's time, stir emotions or challenge their plans for the future.
The young person’s age, the security of the relationship and many other factors impact how you should approach any arising concerns. You can, for instance, discuss time use in general and responsibility in relationships.
If you have concerns about the other party in the relationship, talk about what kind of treatment is unacceptable. If questioning the young person’s relationship feels inappropriate, discussing personal boundaries through a TV storyline or a social media video may offer a safer starting point.
It is likely that the young person will oppose any direct restrictions on their relationship. However, if this is necessary due to the age, safety or life management of the young person, explain your point and do your best to stay rational: your job as a parent is to protect the young person, sometimes from themselves.
When a relationship ends
Romantic relationships that start at a young age are not very likely to become long-term. For a teenager, the end of a relationship is often a major blow that can feel like the end of everything.
After a relationship ends, a young person may withdraw and become more closed off. Give them space to grieve but be available and offer compassion. Do not invalidate the teenager’s feelings by saying things like ‘relationships come and go'.
Offer space for conversations, but do not force them to talk if they are not ready. A teenager may not want to share their heartbreak with their parent at all. You can also encourage them to vent their feelings through art, journalling, talking to friends or chatting anonymously in online support services for young people.
Youth Helsinki: Support and assistance for young people (Link leads to external service)