When school starts, a child's self-image develops rapidly, driven by a new environment and increased responsibilities. These changes bring things to be proud of for your child, but they may also challenge them and make them anxious.
At school age, children tend to start comparing themselves to their peers more than before. Especially closer to puberty, a child's self-esteem can be put to the test. They may reflect critically on their appearance or cling to perspectives that emphasise their differences.
As a parent, your job is to monitor your child's self-image development closely and nurture a healthy sense of self-esteem as best you can. It is particularly important to ensure that the child has plenty of successful experiences and receives positive feedback about themselves – even if the child often struggles with regulating their emotions or behaviour.
Verbalising challenging situations and emotions also supports the development of the child's self-esteem. Emphasise open communication: your child can take their own space if they want, but they also know to turn to you when the time feels right.
The older your child gets, the more they will feel like an individual with their own opinions and critical views – possibly also about your family's practices or views. You don't always have to agree with your child, but by listening to feedback and taking it seriously, you show them that they are a valued member of the family.
Tips for supporting your child's self-esteem
Encourage experimentation
- Encourage your child in independent activities. Give them responsibility for household chores that they are able to do and encourage them to take care of their own things independently.
- Help the child to see their own progress in the skills that they find difficult.
- Praise them when they attempt things instead of praising them for their skills or talent. This way, you will help your child to develop confidence in their ability to develop skills through practising and perseverance.
See the child behind the behaviour
- Unwanted behaviour is rooted in things that the child may not be aware of. Try to help them identify the emotions that are causing the behaviour, such as anger, frustration, disappointment or insecurity, and offer better ways to deal with them.
- For example, shame and anxiety can be new and powerful experiences at school age. Your child will need your help in processing them.
- When tantrums and behaviour create challenges, remember to tell your child that you love them. You could say, for example: "I can see that this situation is upsetting you, and you are having a hard time. Remember that I love you and you are important to me no matter what".
Be present and model good behaviour
- Your child needs your support and closeness. In your free time, spend time together with your child doing things that inspire both of you. Let them know how much you enjoy their company.
- Model good self-esteem: talk kindly about yourself and other people in front of your child.
- Love unconditionally. Let your child know every day that your love for them is not dependent on what they can do or how they can do it.
