The first few months with a baby are often very tiring. Your sleep may be fragmented, your circadian rhythm may be a mess, and the baby’s need to be held and fed will be constant.
You may not be able to sleep while the baby is sleeping. Even so, take a moment to rest and recover. Cleaning the home, hobbies, overtime work and other everyday obligations will have to give way to more pressing needs for a while – and that is something you just need to accept.
You do not have to get through this phase alone. If there are two adults in the family, take turns resting. Do not hesitate to ask others for help, be it a grandmother or a friend. Many people will be happy to look after a small baby for a few hours without expecting you to compensate them or return the favour.
If taking a break from your baby feels difficult, think about it this way: when you take care of yourself as a person, you will also manage better as a parent. Being a well-rested and healthy parent makes it easier to build a strong bond with your baby.
You are important for your own sake too, and you need time for yourself. Even small moments for yourself – a cup of tea, a walk, a chat with a friend, an episode of a TV show – will help you manage in everyday life.
Mood swings and low mood are common after childbirth. However, prolonged low mood or depression should be taken seriously. If you find yourself in a repeatedly low mood or have negative feelings about your baby, do not hesitate to talk about it with your maternity and child health clinic nurse.
We also help parents with therapeutic work for families with infants, which you can reach by contacting the unit for social counselling for families with children.
Your relationship in the first year of parenthood
When a new baby joins the family, the parents’ relationship often comes under strain. With sleep deprivation, responsibilities and intense everyday life, the need for mutual understanding is highlighted even further.
For many parents, their relationship takes the back seat to other needs during the first year of parenthood, and this is perfectly natural. You may need your own space while the baby is sleeping to counterbalance the everyday care and closeness required of you. Alternatively, you may feel that your partner’s attention has shifted from you to the baby.
Try to maintain an emotional connection between you and show each other understanding and caring. Focus on interaction and small moments of tenderness and help each other manage in everyday life.
The first year of parenthood is ultimately a short time that will not define your relationship forever.
Tips for your relationship in the first year of parenthood
- Create new routines and agree on schedules. Take into account the needs of the baby and both adults.
- Talk openly about your needs and wishes regarding your relationship.
- Stress and sleep deprivation during the baby period can undermine your interaction. Find ways to relax both together and separately. Rested, you will find it easier to understand each other’s needs and perspectives and have good conversations.
- Show love and appreciation with small gestures. Kisses, shared humour, a smile and a deep hug help, especially when you are short on time together. You can offer each other valuable peer support – after all, you are both in the same situation.
- If you wish, you can reserve moments for the adults being together without the child. Organise shared movie nights or walks. A relative or friend can look after your little one for a few hours.
