Good parenting takes many forms. It is not a feature of you possess but rather a relationship you hold with your child. Therefore, its most important ingredient is your affection for your child.
Parenting is also a team effort. If you live in a one-adult family, you still need other adults – your own parents, siblings, friends – to provide a network to fall back on. Your child will also benefit from having bonds with several adults who are important to them.
Balancing and choices
Your childhood family and your experiences will affect how you act as a parent. You may find that your style of upbringing matches that of the adults of your childhood family, or you may be deliberately trying to be different.
As a parent, you will get to love, care, protect, guide, learn together, get inspired and inspire. You will have to be a diplomat, a home cook and a border guard. You will feel confusion, irritation, joy and closeness.
You will have to make constant choices:
- What do you do together?
- What and how does your family eat?
- What kind of boundaries do you set?
- How do you let your child influence what the family does together?
- How do you spend your leisure time?
Be compassionate to yourself in the midst of everything. You can learn things that you are not yet good at. Or perhaps another adult important to your child can provide an aspect of parenting that is challenging for you.
Putting yourself in the child’s position
One of the biggest challenges of parenting is seeing situations from your child’s point of view. As a parent, you tend to understand the bigger picture and consequences better than your child, so it can feel easier to ignore your child’s perspective and move on to the solution.
Particularly when stressed and tired, it can be difficult to stop and think about what motivates or annoys your child in the given situation.
However, your child – whatever their age – is more likely to be flexible, appeasable and cooperative if you are able to reach their point of view first. In fact, the same applies to adult relationships: the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes in different situations facilitates cooperation and brings moments of joy and insight into everyday life.
Taking care of yourself
By taking care of yourself, you are also teaching the rest of your family to take care of themselves. This also works the other way around: if you are constantly pushing yourself to the limit of your resources, you are teaching your children the model of a self-sacrificing adult.
When your body and mind are well, it is easier for you to interact with your child: you notice their little tones and expressions, you see solutions for different situations, you are warm in your expression, and you do not get frustrated and irritated over small things. Your adult relationships will also be better when you are well.
In summary, by taking time for yourself, you are also investing in your child’s wellbeing and future.
Secure attachment at the heart of everything
The attachment bond between you and your child is the most important foundation of upbringing. Attachment is built when you spend time with your child, visibly express love and try to see things from the child’s perspective as well.
If your relationship with your child is left distant or you are repeatedly unreliable in your closeness and warmth, your child’s development will be compromised. A child who has an insecure attachment bond with their parent may seek attention through bad or clingy behaviour. They may have intense emotional reactions and be quick to anger. Or they may learn to keep their feelings to themself and please others.
Insecure attachment in childhood will continue to have adverse impacts on mental health and relationships well into adulthood. By loving and being present for your child, you are also building the foundation of their mental health and future relationships.
A securely attached child feels that you genuinely care about them. They are able to express themself, as they are not afraid that you will reject them when they get angry. They trust you to help them and rely on you for help with feelings and personal matters. They also have the courage to be independent in accordance with their age.
Single-parent families
Studies have shown that having one safe parent in a child’s life ensures a secure and balanced childhood. If you are the only adult in your family, you can count on yourself to be enough.
However, managing a family alone is often hectic, mentally taxing and financially challenging. So, turn to other adults to help you manage.
You can meet other parents in the same situation through channels such as peer organisations and groups and family cafés. You can also feel free to utilise the services provided by the City, as our services are intended for ordinary residents. For example, clubs at playgrounds, home services for families with children, social counselling services or support family activities can provide relief from your hectic everyday life.
Learn about a single parent community Pienperhe ry (Link leads to external service)
Support for parenting
The everyday life of a family with children is hectic and full of incidents. It is perfectly normal if you feel burdened or inadequate at times. Parenting should not be a performance: sufficiently good parenting is enough.
You will be constantly learning more skills that you need as a parent. As a parent, you will practise your own emotional and interaction skills, problem solving, stress management, calming down and many everyday skills from cooking to tinkering.
If you feel that your skills, strength or resources are not enough for your current situation, ask for help from the unit for social counselling for families with children. You do not need to know what kind of service you need when you contact us. We will work with you to find out which service would best benefit your family and refer you to it.
