If the child has unauthorised or unexplained absences from school, it is necessary to find out why. In such a case, you should talk with the child calmly and without accusations and try to get to the bottom of what might be going on.
If your child tells you that they are having problems with school, learning, friendships or mood, take time to talk. Calm your mind, try to be genuinely present and focus on listening.
Try to think about and understand the situation from the child’s point of view, so that they can feel heard. Show the child that despite their challenges, you accept them as they are. Not attending school is not the right solution, but the child may need support.
Do not hesitate to contact your child’s class teacher to discuss what might be causing the absences and how you could decrease and prevent them. Remember that your child has an obligation to attend education and that you, as a parent, must take care of your child’s schooling.
You can also contact the school’s pupil welfare services, i.e. the school nurse, welfare officer or psychologist, to ask for support.
Read more about absences on "School day and practical matters"
Find out why your child is avoiding school
If your child’s attitude towards school has changed rapidly for the worse, try to find out why. There is often a clear reason for such a sudden change.
Withdrawing from friends, losing belongings or failing to do homework can also be signs that the child is being bullied or has other concerns.
Start investigating the matter by talking with your child. Ask them what they like and dislike about school, who they spend time with at school and whether they find some subjects difficult. If your child is reluctant to talk about their personal matters, make an effort to build a trusting relationship and a good atmosphere. Spending time together and having a positive atmosphere make it easier to build a conversational connection.
Also, talk with the child’s teacher as soon as possible. You can also receive help and support from the school welfare officer.
A child may avoid school for many reasons and make excuses for not going to school. Help your child understand the real reasons for this avoidance. Discuss and analyse the situation together, but do not accept skipping school – it will only make the cycle worse.
Bad school experience as the underlying reason?
Try to find out about your child’s social situation at school but be discreet. Is the child having an argument with a schoolmate, are they feeling excluded or being bullied? Try also to find out what is happening on the child’s mobile device if they have one, as misunderstandings, arguments or bullying can also reach your child via smart phone.
If your child is having difficulties with social relationships, it is a good idea to work with the school and the parents of the child’s schoolmates to resolve any issues. The teacher may have an understanding of the overall situation, and the parent of a schoolmate may be able to start resolving the situation at the other end. The school social worker is also a good resource.
What about your child’s school performance; how well do they feel they are doing at school? Sometimes children avoid school for fear of failure if their skills and learning do not meet their own expectations or those of adults. If school feels difficult for the child even though they are clearly engaged in learning, they may have an issue such as problems with concentration or learning. You should seek for and will receive help with any challenges.
Read more on concentration challenges at school
Read more on learning difficulties
Difficult family situation causing issues?
Family worries or crises are often reflected in children’s school attendance. For example, a young person may react to arguments between their parents or a divorce by skipping school. Absences may be a way for a young person to seek the attention that they have been missing in a difficult family situation. Difficult situations at home can also manifest themselves as a lack of concentration and restlessness.
If you feel that your child is being burdened by a difficult family situation, contact the unit for social counselling for families with children. Together with the professionals, you can look for ways to alleviate the situation.
Contact social counselling for families with children
Screen time as an underlying cause
Absences can also be the result of the child having something at home that makes it too tempting for them to stay home. If it turns out that your child’s absences are caused by things like gaming or social media, you will probably have to set stricter limits on the child’s screen time. Talk with the child about what the new boundaries will be like.
It can be difficult for a child to limit their own gaming or social media use, as their self-regulation skills are still developing. This is why the role of the parent is crucial. If, despite clear boundaries and parental support, it is difficult for the child to control their screen time, they may have an addiction for which you should seek help.
You can receive help from sources such as the school’s pupil welfare services or the unit for social counselling for families with children.
Read more about school social worker and psychologist services
